Ronald sits quietly on the only balcony seat in an old theatre hall. The walls are ornately carved and decorated. The stains suggest the building itself is old and decrepit. There is an old man sitting beside him, chewing his lip and grumbling grumpily to himself about the production.
Ronald looks out into the dark theatre and sees movement in the rows of seats on the ground floor. Shadows of the audience flicker in and out of the main body of darkness. Shadows of wolves and pigs, all laughing at nothing in particular. Some, it seems, are simply carrying on polite conversation with each other. Some appear human but warped in an an all too familiar way.
Ronald looks at the stage curtains. Giant red velvet monstrosities, stretching all the way to the ceiling, 30 ft above the floor. The stage curtains almost seem alive and drip with blood and fur.
"The Show's about to begin!"
Says the old man sitting next to him in a very familiar voice
"We should get out while we still can!" Heh Heh Heh!
Ronald finds himself chuckling uncontrolably.
Nobody would buy the tickets. Heh Heh Heh!
Just then, a spotlight appears on the front stage curtains. The crowd roars to life. In the darkness, it looks like the audience is tearing each other appart in a frenzy of mahem and laughter.
Ronald cringes but continues chuckling.
I wonder if they'll refund us at the gate?
The old man sitting next to him replies.
I wonder if they can afford a gate? Heh! Heh! Heh!
The curtains part and and the crowd goes silent. Standing in the center of the stage wearing a showman's flat top hat, is a thin scrawny looking frog.
"I'm Kermit the Frog and welcome to the Muppet show. Our guest tonight... Brianna. yaaaaaaaaaay!"
A spotlight shines on a side curtain off to the side of the theatre.
Brianna, completely healed, wearing a shiny pink dress and ribbons in her hair, takes a bow. The crowd loves her.
Ronald looks down at the audience. All puppets. Pig puppets and cow puppets and wolf puppets all laughing hysterically and patting each other on the back and throwing popcorn everywhere. He recognizes the crazy old man sitting beside him making fun of the show too. He's from the Muppet show too. Ronald looks down at his hands and sees only those of a puppet. He's still wearing the same clothes he had on in the hospital, but everything was smaller and made of cheap fabric.
My god! I'm a puppet.
Suddenly,
Gonzo stands up and pulls out a flamethrower. He sets
Brianna ablaze and turns to the audience and nods his head up and down, laughing maniacally.
Brianna screams in pain as she burns. The audience roars its approval.
Ronald can't help himself.
That was a pretty dress.
The old man chuckles.
Yeah, pretty flammable. Heh Heh Heh!
You could say she was on fire. Heh Heh Heh!
Ronald continues to watch
Brianna burn and run screaming all over the theatre, catching other puppets on fire in her wake.
Kermit waves his tiny frog arms in the air like a derranged cheerleader.
"OK! OK! Settle down folks. I'd like to introduce our next act."
Just then,
Brianna runs screaming past
Kermit on stage, her entire body a flaming inferno.
"Ahem, Scooter? Would somebody please put out that little girl."
"Sure thing boss," replies
Scooter
Scooter chases
Brianna around the stage with a fire extinguisher and the audience goes wild.
The old man puppet looks at
Ronald and winks.
I'd like to put that little girl out!
Jesus thinks
Ronald, but helplessly chuckles back and responds with his own witty remark.
Me too. Put her out on her ass! In the dumpster! Heh! Heh! Heh!
Ronald can't believe what he just said. Tears stream down his face as he watches
Brianna burn and then collapse motionless on the stage.
Scooter sprays her down with the fire extinguisher and then drags her off stage.
The audience settles down as
Kermit introduces the next act, waving his hands frantically, like a deranged cheerleader.
"Ladies and Gentleman! Mickey and the Janitors. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
The red curtain opens to
Mickey the Mouth standing center stage, with a line of puppets behind him, all dressed like janitors and holding mops. The janitors start to dance around in unison as
Mickey sings.
Rub Dub I was mopping in the tub. All up on a Saturday night. Blood Blood... there was blood in the tub and I was thinking everthing was all right..........
Ronald watches in horror as the act continues. He turns to the old man and throws pun after pun at him, unable to stop himself.
These guys are all washed up! I could mop the floor with em! They're all wet. They should clean up they're act. heh! heh! heh!
Ronald looks over at the old man puppet who chuckles away. His mouth opens so wide, it splits at the seams, shooting stuffing all over
Ronald's lap. Then a human hand bursts from the old man puppet's mouth and begins to strangle
Ronald. The old man's chest bursts as stuffing flies in all directions. To
Ronald's shock and surprise,
Louie's head emerges from the puppet, continuing to strangle
Ronald with a vice like grip.
Louie lifts
Ronald into the air as he climbs out of the torn and shredded puppet and chuckles slowly.
Heh............. Heh.................. Heh!
Your up next Ronald! says Louie.
Break a leg!
Louie throws
Ronald off the balcony into the crowd of thrashing puppets, all calling for his blood.
Ronald screams in terror as he plummets to the ground, only to wake at
Brianna's feet. Startled and confused, he looks around.
Brianna? Where are we? Where's Louie?
Ronald can't decide which nightmare is worse.