Play@YSDC

Please talk freely over a cup of synthicath, safe in the knowledge that this place is provided by your friend computer for free, intelectual discussion

"Am I an original or a clone of an original? That is the question. Would I know if I were an original or would I assume I were a clone? This is deep, indeed.

Reporting for duty. What´s on the to-do-list. Oh, Great COMPUTER?"

I think I dress well in red...

*Picture and sound have been eradicated by the COMPUTER*

I ran a few homebrew games of Paranoia in high school that I still remember. In the first game, a squad of troubleshooters had been deployed to the wasteland outside Alpha Complex via whatever the helicopter-like thingy is called and had mysteriously disappeared. The players' squad of troubleshooters had been sent in an identical aircraft to the exact same location to try to find out what happened to them (the hard way). It turned out that the original squad of troubleshooters had turned on each other and been killed one by one as a result. Somehow, the PCs managed to avoid killing each other, found out what had happened to the other troubleshooters, and made the dangerous journey back to Alpha Complex (the aircraft had, of course, crashed). The second game was a murder mystery, and the troubleshooters were led by an NPC who just happened to be the next clone of the murder victim. The troubleshooters never solved the case and managed to kill every character involved in it (including the aforementioned mission leader) except the actual murderer! I guess she just seemed so nice...

I love PARANOIA (and the Computer of course!) so much.
It was the first TTRPG I ever played, and I'm glad it was. With a good GM, it can easily be some of the best fun you can have- in my opinion.

*loyally enjoys a bowl of HotFun*

Now I remember. It was a Flybot. I had named the adventure "Have Flybot, Will Travel." Getting back to Alpha Complex wasn't the end of the adventure, either. Then they had to find a way back inside, through passages for which they did not have the proper security clearance.

"Welcome brave, loyal, non-treacherous citizens. Your commitment to the computers needs are noted and will surely burn like a beacon to your more timid co workers"( Voice of the computer, a subtle blend of Ronald Reagan, Bill Cosby and that guy who advertises pet food on channel 9)

The following characters will be available. Please choose one, once chosen the full character details will be pm'ed to you.

Monty-R-JRL-2
Male CPU Team Leader

Francine-R-CAN-1 - The Vault Tech
Female PLC Loyalty Officer

Rob-R-RAE-1 - Syrinx
Male IntSec Equipment Guy

Ola-R-WRM-1- Kabukiman
Female HPD&MC Comms & Recording


Brannon-R-CDC-1 - Mr. Handy
Male Armed Forces Hygiene Officer

Rob-R-RAE - 1, for the win. Robbery Я'US, I´d be the equipment guy.
Only items rated "R" for you.

And, NO! It doesn´t say RUS in the end, promise...

Francine-R-CAN-1 reporting for duty!

"Congratulations on a wise choice. Rob-R-RAE-1 is on his way to you" (Voice of the computer, now a honey sweet mix of Jane Fonda and Marilyn Munro. Additional dialogue by Scooby Doo)

TheVaultTech wrote:Francine-R-CAN-1 reporting for duty!

"Congratulations on a wise choice. Francine-R-CAN-1 is on her way to you" (Voice of the computer, still a honey sweet mix of Jane Fonda and Marilyn Munro. Additional dialogue by Scooby Doo)

*Walks over to the Pneumatic Tube Mail (PTM) and waits for the swoooshy sound.*

*Drinks a can of RED B3*

Fun fact: I actually did a bit of voice acting for a PARANOIA mmorpg (the dev, a friend of mine, has since vanished after the game files were completely erased by a harddrive crash or some such- for the third time)
I still have the files for some primordial B3 jingles!

Edit- If anybody's interested in some voice props for commercials for their PARANOIA games in the future, or anything, found the files:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/bihuc20oilsn ... srcza?dl=0

Got to love Terry Gilliam. (Brazil, 12 monkeys and The Zero Theorem.) He IS Paranoia!

Brannon-R-CDC-1 reporting for duty, friend Computer!

I've never even heard of The Zero Theorem before, but I have to see that one. I agree, Terry Gilliam is awesome!

Mr. Handy wrote:Brannon-R-CDC-1 reporting for duty, friend Computer!

Coming to a friendly infotube near you.

Ola is here!

kabukiman wrote:Ola is here!

Welcome Ola-R-WRM-1. The Computer (your dearest friend) predicted you might choose her

++++++Greetings troubleshooters
I hope to get the assignement started soon, once we, hopefully, have a full compliment of players. Whether this is before the holidays begin or after is your choice.
Please remmeber that PARANOIA is a tabletop role playing game, and things that you can do face to face may not quite work on a forum, perversity point usage for instance, or note passing. However I, as a fair and well balanced GM, will do my best to give you, the player, the full PARANOIA experience.
Please be aware that I am not deliberately picking on you, if at any stage you are reduced to tears, feelings of inadequacy and insignifficance trust me it is nothing personal, I merely reflect the feelings of your friend the computer.
If, at any stage of these proceedings, you wish to complain about your treatment. Please write a complaint in triplicate, mark the envelope 'for immediate attention, deliveree will wait for reply' and deliver it to the room next to the Alpha Compex Termination Centre on level four.
Thank you for your attendance, Priest-GM-Voice of the Computer. +++++++

Praise the EMPRAH!
No, wait. Wrong tabletop.
Hail the Friend Computer

Some note sending has begun. Nothing treasonous, promise!
HAIL! HAIL! HAIL!

This message will self terminate, quite soonish.

Of course not, treason would be treason. You're not treasonous, are you?

No and I'm über-clean, mostly. A happy boot sequence on you all, citizens, and freund COMPUTER!

I humbly request a leave for the next few days to our great computer. I promiss to return after I have fulfill a secret mission with the so called "Christmas".
A merry christmas for all of you, I will be back by the 26.

Syrinx wrote:No and I'm über-clean, mostly. A happy boot sequence on you all, citizens, and freund COMPUTER!

And to you as well! A clean citizen is a happy citizen!

[quote="Mr. Handy]
And to you as well! A clean citizen is a happy citizen![/quote]

And a happy citizen,a loyal citizen!

Remember cleanliness is mandatory for all citizens. There are many Dermo-Scrub Facilities for your use positioned in easilly accessed areas throughout the complex, set to the maximum 2mm skin-abrasion depth (setting found beneficial in all cases).


The computer wishes it known that the Dermo-Scrub Facility in section R-111 has reported a malfunction. The medi facility in the corresponding area has reported that John-R-OCS-1 will recover, eventually, but in a less recognisable form.

Wishing you germ free and happy festivity, Your friend the Computer

I hope we get a Team Leader soon, to lead us into success and glory for the Friend Computer!

"In the light of treasonous tardiness by Monty-R-JRL-2 or Monty-R-JRL-3 (?), I, wholeheartedly put in a forceful request to fill the void and step up as Team Leader. Digitally signed ROBRRAE1."
Rob-R-RAE-1 types in the message at a nearby COMPUTER booth, all the while whistling the tune from Dr Strangelove.

My feelings for PARANOIA!:

Dear friends, and non traitorous citizens, your friend the computer has decided that given Ola-R-WRM-1's tearful, warmhearted plea to be allowed a short break to spend gazing through the VAT's observation ports at her family, the assignment will begin after the non-treasonous festivities are complete.
As Rob-R-RAE- 1 has said the possible treasonous behaviour of Monty-R-JRL-2 is under scrutiny and if he is found unworthy of the position of Team Leader another will be appointed in his place.
All applications are invited, with the usual reasons as to why you should be considered submitted to the Computer for consideration.

Have a nice day,

Surely I should be the team leader? I am, after all, the most loyal, being the loyalty officer!

Happy mandatory gift giving day!

I second the two statements of the previous, clean, and loyal citizen. In event of not the first statement comes true, I argue a measuring of intellectual expanse should be made at INT SEC to validate who is fit to lead.

I may have wrangled a fool friend into joining, citizens!

TheVaultTech wrote:I may have wrangled a fool friend into joining, citizens!

Friend Fool--ERY reporting for duty!

Yeah, that dummy will be Monty-R-JRL-2.
The team leader.
Unless he backs out now, which of course would be treason.

TheVaultTech wrote:Yeah, that dummy will be Monty-R-JRL-2.
The team leader.
Unless he backs out now, which of course would be treason.

*stands forward and salutes wearing his Number 1 candidate sash*

I will do my best to completely mislead and anger everybody on my team involuntarily!

Charles_Bortolo wrote: I will do my best to completely mislead and anger everybody on my team involuntarily!

That's real Team Leader material

We have a Team Leader!
Welcome Monty-R-JRL-2!

Now, the All-Encompassing-Message can be redacted.

*Polishes black boots and corrects Red jumpsuit.*

Welcome team leader. The computer (everyones friend) is sure that you will be a loyal, respected citizen of the highest possible character, morality, temperment and cleanliness. That you will not fail to uphold the prestige of your position, and that you will be the 'go to guy' that the other team members will love and trust implicitly
Please await assignement start as soon as OLA-R-WRM-1 has returned from the current assignement


(Plays exciting, relevant jingle)

*reads book entitled "how to be a good loyalty officer"*

Seems a bit unprofessional they didn't caps the title.
*fails lesson zero*

opens book. Page 1.
"What is Loyalty?"

The following four pages are blank, finally on page five,
"So there you are, that is loyalty. Any further queries should be directed to terminal 0111 where you will find an IntSec Officer only to happy to be of assistance."

I hope we may begin the aiding of the Computer soon! In the meantime, I'll be playing Pac-Y-MAN

Ola-R-WRM-1s presents to duty!

++++INCOMING MESSAGE++++
Please report for assignement beginning this evening (GMT)
Failure to report may result in code z14 infraction (as well as allowing other players a potential free shot at your character).
Have a nice day, you friend the computer
+++++MESSAGE ENDS+++++
(Place jingle here)

"Ready for everything. Reporting for duty!" ROBRRAE1 stands at the ready.
#pops an unmarked pill#

Ready to duty!

Yar har fidle ee dee, I am loyal!

[dice]0[/dice]

Now, the dice roller is activated.
*Drum roll*

OP is kill?