Chit-Chat

[Laraqua]

10:00PM reached and no deaths ... or have there been?

[Laraqua]

Beware the dangers of clumping!

At present, I totally get the grouping up that's going on in the Lounge Car and wouldn't recommend artificially breaking out of it, just bear in mind that this isn't a usual party game which is why there's an unusually high number of PCs. Everytime a large group of players joins the same thread there will be lag as folks need to wait for the right person to hop online to post.

This isn't too big a problem in the short term with out 6 player group in the Lounge Car but I foresee it being an issue if it either becomes the norm or if the other three get involved (9 players).

So please feel free to drop into what others are doing if it is interesting (as is currently the case) but remain independent and either float away or, if you are going to stick together for the sake of numbers, do so with only one or two other PCs.

There *are* plenty of sub-plots to go around in the other corridors and social cars so you don't need to worry about that. Even a casual stroll to the Water Closet could net you something cool.

[Laraqua]

We'll take a break over Christmas from this Saturday to the Saturday after New Years.

[Seon]

I apologize for my absence: I've had finals to complete.

[Kadael]

What awaits the passengers across the border?
Will the sock puppet show be as sinister as anticipated?
And just what is in that salmon?

Find out next time on...
THE LAST EXPRESS

[Laraqua]

On that note, this game's current 15 minutes will be extended across at least two weeks due to people's holiday needs.

[Laraqua]

Sorry about the delays over the silly season. Since this fifteen minutes has been pivotal to some characters, I will extend the period until next Friday before resuming the usual one week = fifteen minutes routine.

[Laraqua]

Lily's new secret weapon = https://www.facebook.com/kotaku/posts/10102568841268309

[Kadael]

"I have no idea what she is talking about. If I had a secret weapon it would look more like this."

[Laraqua]

That's either a frighteed Edwardian cat.

....

Or a mesmerist.

[Seon]

My word George, what seems to be all this commotion?

Pay no attention to the Plebians, darling Alexandra. We should not interfere among their little quarrels and struggles. They are unsuitable for birds of our class.

But George! I thought I heard scraping of metal plates! What if these pissants are arming themselves? George, I insist that you look to ensure our safety!

Well honey, why don't you look then?

Why don't I loo- what did you say, George? This is no way to treat a lady like myself. Don't you 'why don't you do this' to me sir, you still owe me for what happened yesterday night.

Oh for crying out loud, please don't-

Noooo excuses George. You sir, are still grounded from the bedchambers after nearly braining me with your damned clubfoot. I mean, think about my delicate constitution! Pah, some man I chose. Making me look at the plebians.

Oh for... very well honey.

...

By the Flaming Orca's Great Teeth!

What? What is it George! I demand that you tell me immediately!

It's.... it's horrible! It's an armored cat! Damn them! What have they unleashed upon the world? Gods forgive us all, they do not know what unknown forces that they mess with.

Should... should we run?

Yes dear, we must away. Others must know of this.

[Seon]

Hello gentlepenguin and ladies, and welcome back to the Antarctic News. The Penguin High Council again wishes you all a happy and fruitful day. Domestication of the sea lion is nearly complete and future is looking bright for the Penguin Race.

Today, we bring you disturbing news from just beyond the Mountains of Utter Sanity: we have special reporter Ralph at the scene.

Hello Ralph! How's the weather down there?

Hello Charles! I'm glad to be here. The weather is sunny and grass is actually growing pretty well, but that's not important right now Charles. What's important is what's there right on top of that hill.

Now Ralph, I don't know about you but the image quality isn't that great and the thing that you are pointing to looks really tiny. Could you describe what you are seeing?

Sorry Charles! This is as far as the guards are willing to let us. That thing on top of the hill seems to be some sort of a large and armored housecat with a sword.

I'm sorry Ralph, but could you repeat that? I thought you said... a large armored housecat with a sword.

That is what I said Charles! It was spotted by a couple out on a walk about 2-3 hours ago. It apparently emerged from the sea, crashing through some towns and villages, and made its way on top of a hill where it has been stationary for the last couple of hours.

My, Ralph, this all seems quite fantastic! You say it was stationary?

Well, not moving from the top of that hill there. It has been doing some normal cat behavior like mewling or licking itself, bu-

Well, uh, has any word been released from the local authorities on the identity and the origin of this cat?

I was getting to that Charles. So far, the scientists are unable to explain where this cat was able to get its armor and why it is here. It's all a big myster- oh my god.

What. What is it Ralph?

It's coming this way!

What?!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Oh. Oh dear.

HELPGURGLEGURGLE HELLLP

Oh my, that seems quite-

Arrrghjarea-

Should we...umm...send out advertisements?

*gurgle* geeeehhhhhhh-

Oh. Too late. Umm... we'll come back right after a commercial break.

[Seon]

Also I apparently lost my mind.

[Kadael]

The Antarctic News and The Last Express are brought to you by Myth*Os.

Myth*Os: They're blasphemously delicious!

[Seon]

Penguin High Council Secret Antarctic Base

Meet Doctor Emma Heimreich. She is one of the leading mamalogist in the field and is merely 7 years old: young for a penguin with her credentials. Yet she will never make it to be the head of her department. She is a female working in a male dominated field, like gynecology and woman's studies. However, that might change today.

On this particular day, she is dealing with P3X-1029- a seemingly immortal species of cat with an armored carapace. It took a small tank and a few dozen civilian casualties to simply capture the beast. Now it set squirming restrained in her lab. So far, it survived drowning, incineration, decapitation, and even the cold of winter.

"Son of a bitch, this thing is hard to cut through," Emma thought as her scalpels were being dulled by the carapace of the cat. "Am I going to need to borrow a cutting laser? Mother of fuck."

Eventually she got the idea to lift the carapace and dissect it that way. She smiled, as far as her beaks allowed, as this succeeded.

Upon its death, the cat released a pheromone into the air. It was undetectable to a penguin, but to a cat of the same species, it could be detected from over a hundred miles away. It was a call to arms: to destroy whatever it was that have harmed one of their brothers.

2 hours later,Doctor Heimreich released a report saying that this was not, in fact, a house cat, but rather a very small juvenile tiger.

[Laraqua]

heheh, I look forward to the next thrilling installment of this series.

[Seon]

Meanwhile at the Tigerreich, New Zealand

Day breaks in the newly established realm of Tigerreich, formally held by Great Penguinaria. All is quiet.

In fact, it is to quiet. As the tigers found out, there was a small flaw in the plan to rule over a place whose population you just exterminated in the effort to conquer it: there was nobody left to rule over. Oh, there were the parrots and the butterflies, of course, but they do make dreadful company.

"You know what, Bertha?" asked Tony, the Overlord of all Tigers, a few weeks after the death of the Penguin governor. "I think we really got ourselves in a pickle here, you know. I mean, we invaded and beat down the Penguins twice for this bloody two-bit piece of land, and now, trying it for the third time, it was so stupidly easy! I mean, we didn't even break a sweat doing this."

Bertha, the Overlady, stopped midswing with her croquet mallet: a stuffed corpse of one of her Penguin victims. "I've been thinking about this too, you know, Tony," she said. "And you are right. We wasted too much time trying to conquer this godforsaken two-bit island. We really need to start thinking big. Something to make our mark upon this world other than as rulers of some tiny island off the coast of Australia.

"What are you thinking, Bertha?" Tony asked.

"Our armored tigers are unstoppable, Tony. Today, New Zealand. Tomorrow, THE WORLD!!!!" Bertha stopped to cackle maniacally for a minute before calming down momentarily to focus on her swing.

"Hmm..." Tony was thinking deeply. "We are going to require a secret fortress, where we may plot world domination in peace and comfort. A place whose magnificence will make all the world quiver at our might."

"You thinking where I'm thinking for the base?"

"Oh yeah."

"Antarctica."

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The next day, Tony and Bertha addressed small group of juvenile tigers in the ruined hulk of a Penguin Town Hall.

"Welcome! Your task is to help prepare for the invasion of Antarctica!" Tony blared!

"Our goal is to build this!" Bertha tapped on the projection on the wall.

"Isn't that a screenshot from-"

"Shut up!" Tony shouted. "Can you find any better picture of a secret antarctic base? No? That's why you are a minion and we are Overlords."

"Your job is to find the headquarters of the Penguin High Council located on this continent and die trying," added Bertha.

Silence. "Don't you mean 'or' die trying?" asked one of the juvenile tigers.

Tony sighed. "Did she say 'or'? Did she? She specifically said 'and.' Step 1, find headquarters. Step 2, die. Step 2 is not optional, it is an inherent follow-up after Step 1. Without the condition of Step 2 being optional, the use of 'or' instead of 'and' would be incorrect. Grammar is important. We know you are only a henchman and cannot be expected to understand simple things like sentence structure, but please do put in some effort."

Bertha turned the lights back on. "Now I want you to know that no henchmen ever found an enemy secret base for their masters by dying. They did it by making the other poor dumb fuck die for their masters."

Tony whispered something into Bertha's ears. Bertha frowned. "Oh yes, I suppose it is so."

"Now, an evil organization is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, builds as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of . The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Gahzette don’t know anything more about real henching than they do about fornicating."

"We have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit and the best leaders in the world. You know, by God I actually pity those poor bastards you’re going up against. By God, I do. We’re not just going to shoot the bastards, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tractors. We’re going to murder those lousy bastards by the bushel."

"Uh...sir?" asked one of the juveniles. "Who exactly are we going up against?"

Tony looked exasperated. "Penguins, duh. Oh, and each other."

"But I thought you just said that we were a tea-"

"YOU ARE!" screamed Bertha. "A team competing against each other, ruthlessly killing each other whenever it's necessary to further the goals of the team!"

"Now, some of you people, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The men and women standing beside you are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know we're proud."

"Alright now, you know how we feel. Oh, and we will be proud to execute you guys – anytime, anywhere."

The hall remained silent for a long moment.

"That’s all."

[Kadael]

New prediction from my acquaintance:

"You're all going to Carcosa and everyone on the train who isn't a player character is a ghoul."

He is a very silly man.

[Seon]

Laraqua, maybe we should tell her the truth about the train.

[Seon]

Wait wait, Miss Gavigan, we can talk about this. See, I'm the one who's supposed to have gone crazy in the corridors and stabbed vulnerable people when they are alone, not the other way around! D: