The Golden Pumpkin: Buffet

[Tabs]

The restaurant of Western Passenger Station is vast; to the left is the bar, beyond: the gaming tables, and in the centre is a newly laid, beautiful, parquetry dance floor. Dotted round the room young Chinese women, uniformed in scarlet silk cheongsam--traditional dress, have been posted, poised to help your wants: wait on tables, fetch drinks, etc.



Mr. and Mrs. Franklyn are waltzing away on the dance floor, joined by Prof. Eichelstein--the old goat, who is attempting to teach an unfortunate waitress how to Foxtrot.



Posie holds chopsticks in one hand a bowl of something crispy in a bed of noodles in the other, she looks unhappy with the eatables. Prof. Pavlov has managed to tangle a shrimp's leg in his beard, but hasn't noticed that the wreckage of the crustacean on his plate is missing a limb.

[Mr. Handy]

Elisabeth Grey goes with her father to the buffet first, her mouth watering as she surveys the food. "It all looks and smells so delicious!" she exclaims. "I can't decide whether to have the chicken or the beef." Then her eyes light up with triumph. "But, of course, it's a buffet. I can have both!"

[Tabs]

Posie slides her bowl on to the table and covers it with a napkin. She approaches Elisabeth. "Miss, these square knitting needles"--she is referring to the chopsticks--"are not praktickle, no, not at all. And I don't much like the food--its eatiness, well, there's no crackers or anything. You'd have thought Mr. Cheese would have provided some cheese."

[Mr. Handy]

Elisabeth smiles at Posie. "I suppose the chopsticks do take some getting used to," she says. "I've learned how to do it, but I still prefer a fork too. Still, hundreds of millions of Chinese people eat with them all the time and manage all right. It's just a matter of learning how. I can show you, if you like. As for the food..." She surveys the buffet table and points out a bowl filled with crispy noodles. "Oh, I love these. They're noodles, but they aren't soft, they're crunchy. Almost like biscuits, in fact. Would you like to try some?"

[Tabs]

"Crunchy noodles, like biscuits? Oh, yes please! As for learning how to use chopsticks, thank you, but I'm afraid I'd starve before I can use them like the Chinese do."



"Excuse the interruption, young ladies, I couldn't help overhearing the little one's dilemma with the cutlery; please allow me." Prof. Pavlov snaps his finger towards a waitress.

The woman shuffles forward, hands clasped in front of her. "Xiānshēng?"

"Sháozi, qǐng," answers Prof. Pavlov. He says to Posie: "I just ordered you a spoon, I think!"

Posie tugs at Elisabeth's sleeve, and whispers: "That funny man has got something horrid stuck in is beard."

[Mr. Handy]

Elisabeth lowers her voice. "I think it's a piece of shrimp," she whispers back.

[Tabs]

The waitress returns with a spoon. Posie eagerly plunges it into a bowl of crunchy noodles; as she brings the spoon up to her mouth most of the noodles slip off and fall to the floor. "Oh bother!"

Prof. Pavlov watches on, when the noodles fall he clears his throat, "Ahem," and looks away, pretending he didn't notice. He says to Elisabeth: "I vaguely recognise Mr. Grey, he's with the British embassy? and you are his daughter? Professor Ivan Pavlov, at your service." His eyes twinkle, he realises he is being boringly formal.

[DSIGFUSS]

Tatsuo enters the buffet with some difficulty to wait until there is enough space for his massive bulk to pass through. He mutters quietly in very poor Chinese..



ràng yi ràng ràng yi ràng ràng yi ràng ràng yi ràng

He finally breaks through with all of his girth and walks towards the buffet table with grim determination, His mother close behind, hidden as she often was in the wake of Tatsuo's obesity.

Tatsuo grabs a cart and begins to heap dishes upon it. He paid little attention to the other guests. When the little girl Posie complains about the chopsticks, Tatsuo smiles and looks over at her.

His mother is quick and ruthless..

Arashi's long wrinkled index finger dips quickly into a small container of Szechuan sauce. She flicks a tiny globule of the sauce directly into Tatsuo's eye with the precision of master seamstress threading a needle... The large sumo cowers away, rubbing the hot sauce from his eyes.



Mind your manners little pig! Remember that this is all of your doing!

Tatsuo quickly finishes with his plates and rolls the cart to one of the tables setting out enough food for six men to eat.

[Mr. Handy]

"I believe the crunchy noodles are meant to be eaten with your hands," Elisabeth whispers to Posie before turning her attention to Professor Pavlov. "Pleased to meet you, Professor. Yes, my father Samuel Grey over there is the aide to the British Ambassador. I'm his daughter, Elisabeth. How do you do?" She extends her hand. "Are you the same Professor Pavlov who did the behavioral conditioning experiments with dogs?"

[Tabs]

Posie's mouth forms an "O" as she listens to Elisabeth.

Posie plonks herself down at Tatsuo's "private" table and begins to ladle with her spoon into his dishes. "Ràng yi," she giggles. When Arashi Akiyama digs at the buffet, Posie says: "Your mummy is not very nice to you?"



"Good Lord! how delightful. Miss Grey, you are as well educated as you are beautiful." Prof. Pavlov, in his pleasure at being recognised, forgets his resolution not to be dull. "Yes, I am the same Professor Pavlov. It was the Summer of 1912 when I first had my theory; or was it 1911? I was spending my holiday with dear Laika, my Alsatian, in a dacha just south of Petrograd, when I--"

Elisabeth is aware of a faint tickle to her ribs, then, a chin rests upon her shoulder and a voice, speaking quietly into her ear, says: "I've come to rescue you."

[Mr. Handy]

"If you'll excuse me, Professor," says Elisabeth. "It's a delight speaking with you, but someone else needs me at the moment. I do hope we'll see each other again this evening."

[Tabs]

Mingzhu links arms with Elisabeth and walks her away from Prof. Pavlov. She pauses to light a Pall Mall cigarette. "Cigarette?--they are imported from Liverpool. It is so sad," says Mingzhu, the edge of her mouth rises--she is not being too serious, "that Father refuses to bring in Western clothing, 'not enough profit.' Where do you get your clothes and make-up from?"

[Mr. Handy]

"No thank you, I do not smoke," says Elisabeth when Mingzhu offers her a cigarette. "My clothes and makeup come from England. Some I brought with me when I came here with Father two years ago, and others I've arranged to have shipped in via the embassy. Perhaps I could arrange to import a few items for you. This dress I'm wearing is from Savile Row, in London. It's the best one I own."

[Tabs]

Mingzhu drops her newly lit cigarette, crushing its tip beneath her shoe, and exhales blue smoke away from Elisabeth. "Yes please, I would like that very much!"

[DSIGFUSS]

Tatsuo smiles at Posie's usage of the Chinese word for excuse me. It does not apply in this specific situation but he appreciates the young girls intelligence and courtesy.

The large sumo wrestler bows his head to Posie.. And then looks for his mother. Satisfied she is occupied he continues.

When you steal a fat man's food you say duìbúqì... When you want people to get out of the way because you are too fat to squeeze by.. you say Ràng yi.

Tatsuo looks again for his mother at the buffet table.

My name is Tatsuo little one.. It is a pleasure to grow fat with you!

[Tabs]

Posie giggles louder than before. "And it is a pleasure for me!" She slurps at a long string of noodle. "I wish to grow fat with you too, Tatsuo.

"Duìbúqì." She repeats the word over and over again.

[DSIGFUSS]

Tatsou grins and returns to his food. When his mother approaches the end of the Buffet, he politely raises his head and bows to Posie.



It was a pleasure to dine with you little one... With fat comes honor! Now if you will please offer my mother her seat... I am afraid she is not as hospitable as I. But we met well little one... I will look forward to our next opportunity to grow fat together...

[Mr. Handy]

"I'll just need your measurements," says Elisabeth. "I can get you a dress just like mine. It's expensive, but it's worth it. I also have a couple of catalogues from which you could pick out other clothing you like. I don't have them with me, but I can bring them the next time I see you, or you could pay me a visit."

[Tabs]

"I hope that one day I'll be as fat as you," says Posie. She stands, and, whilst holding dishes and her spoon, curtsies to Tatsuo's mother.

• ~

Mingzhu clasps her hands together, up in front of herself, and does a little jiggle of excitement. "Yes, and yes, oh, and yes!" She stands in front of Elisabeth to do some impromptu measurements. "I'm a bit thinner than you, your bust is bigger, but we are about the same height; I want a dress just like--

"Uh! What does she want?"



"Shénme?" says Mingzhu.

Chunhua leans forward to Mingzhu and they exchange some heated words. Chunhua walks away to the buffet table.

• ~

Tatsuo catches Chunhua's stare. After they have made eye contact she turns and walks towards the gaming tables.

[DSIGFUSS]

Tatsuo looks quickly down to his many plates of food and continues shoveling...

When Arashi sits down to join him with her usual scowl, Tatsuo smiles warmly at her.



[Japanese] Have you tried the shark fin soup mother? It is very good!

Arashi glares at her son.



[Japanese] Do not try my patience Tatsuo. You haven't the years nor the brains to deceive me. I saw you with that little girl. You remember the last one do you not? Remember my son.... This is all your doing! You lie in the bed that you make Tatsuo... Please.... show some restraint...