Contest Finalist Discussion - The Remnant From the Deeps

Dark imaginings of that which lies hidden behind the veil of reality, terrible tales of woe and horror of those to whom the true nature of the universe was revealed, or revelations of the times when the stars are right? Fiction or Fact? This forum is for Cthulhu and Horror fan fiction. Do you have a story to share?
Mi-Go Agent
Keeper
Keeper
Posts: 921
Registered for: 15 years 6 months
15
Contact:

Contest Finalist Discussion - The Remnant From the Deeps

Post by Mi-Go Agent »

These are all the references made to "The Remnant From the Deeps" (my own submission to the contest) in the discussion threads. I have to say I'm a bit intrigued by some of the replies, and I'm looking forwards both to replying and to hearing more criticism.
My second choice would've been the delightfully written "The Remnant from the Deeps". I thought that this play on Moby Dick and allusions to Lovecraftian imagery was quite expertly done. However, they are merely allusions, so the things which filtered down from the stars could really be anything. I was also uncertain if it was meant to be a parody - it didn't appear to me that way, but my feelings on parodies (see below when I speak of "Miskatonic Moon") are unfortunately not exactly of the sort which can be seen as pleasurable, at least when it comes to cthulhoid fiction. Again, I don't think this tales was of that sort at all.
-Victimizer
It was unfortunate that "Death of Ages", and to some extent, "Remnant of the Deeps" were constructed in the way that they were, which was likely done due to fear of copyright issues. Nevertheless, at least one of these stories was not a Cthulhu Mythos tale at all (the other being up for grabs, as I stated above - really, it just captures the mood of such a tale).
Due to the discussion about the copyright issue, I can understand why the judges allowed these tales to be put into the top five despite having broken the rules of the contest (Clear in "Death of Ages", not so clear in "Remnants of the Deeps".) I'm aware that the definition of what constitutes a Cthulhu Mythos tale varies from person to person,
-Victimizer
I liked Remnant of the Deep's retelling of Moby Dick as a Cthulhu story- a nice twist on a classic!
-Welsh

The Remnant from the Deeps – This was another well crafted story with a wonderfully effective descriptive narrative. The dream sequences added a growing tension and supernatural depth to the story which I liked. This was a fantastic setting for Cthulhu Mythos fiction and I would have preferred a slightly more sensory aspect to the writing; using the sounds, smells and feel of working at sea to bring even more life to what the protagonist was experiencing. Though I’m ashamed to say I’ve never actually managed to finish Melville’s masterpiece myself, I thought the Moby Dick connection was wonderful.
-sara
Mi-Go Agent
Keeper
Keeper
Posts: 921
Registered for: 15 years 6 months
15
Contact:

Re: Contest Finalist Discussion - The Remnant From the Deeps

Post by Mi-Go Agent »

I'm a bit shocked and confused that people thought my story "broke the contest rules", contained only illusions, and avoided using Mythos names for fear of copyright. I specifically named the Elder Race and included what was relatively clearly a transformation-stuck shoggoth. I used a little bit of subtlety (not capitalizing elder race), simply because I didn't think it would be convincing for the sailor with little to no prior Mythos experience to use formal CoC-rulebook names after merely hearing them in a dream.

I would like to thank Welsh, Victimizer, and Sara for their very nice reviews. I'd love to hear more criticism, since that's the only way to make sure my next story is an improvement.
User avatar
sara
Layman
Layman
Posts: 4
Registered for: 15 years
15
Contact:

Re: Contest Finalist Discussion - The Remnant From the Deeps

Post by sara »

I think this story works very well as a Mythos tale.

I’ve had a chance to read through this again and my original thoughts still stand; namely, I think this is a wonderful setting and idea for a Mythos tale, though, in my opinion, the location could have been milked just a little bit more in order to bring extra depth to the story. What does a whaling vessel smell like? What sounds do whales make when they’re injured, bleeding or ready to die? Does the sun sting the saltwater spray on Ishmael’s skin? These are the sort of things I would have enjoyed learning about as a reader; with maybe a few extra technical details about his job and life in general on the ship as well.

Overall I liked the tone and pace of the narrative; there was, however, one exception. Towards the end of the story you wrote:

“The final day dawned clear and fair. That day, all the whaleboats were destroyed by the rampaging leviathan, mine included.”

Personally I think there needed to be more build up and description than this, and, as a reader, I felt I needed to be drawn into events more. The collision and Ishmael’s encounter with the creature is the high point of the story, and maybe more could have been said to describe the experiences of the narrator. Often when people are involved in accidents / catastrophic events, time slows right down and it’s the tiniest details they remember; perhaps something in the writing could have reflected this? Though I appreciate he was re-telling events that had happened a long time ago.

I hope this doesn’t come across as too critical! I’m making these points because I really enjoyed this story and I thought the writing was very good, so thanks for posting it. Thanks also for putting Dead Names up for discussion; I’m looking forward to commenting and receiving feedback on that as well.
Post Reply

Return to “Terrible Tales, Horrible Revelations and Dreams of Dark Days (Fan Fiction)”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests