Play@YSDC

The Humboldt Universität zu Berlin is bustling with students as 3 o'clock turns into 4 o'clock and everyone leaves their classes to head to the next one, to take a break on the wide open parks, catch up on their readings, hastily spend their break rushing through yet another essay, or even, perhaps, spend some time eating afternoon tea at one of the many cafeterias that dot the campus.

Lukas Weber's classes were all finished. He only had to complete his PhD project under the tutelage of Professor Klaus Schmidt while filing, faxing, researching obscure articles, running tutorials, planning Schmidt's presentations to his classes, fetching cups of coffee, fetching scones from a place halfway across town, laughing at Schmidt's jokes in private, staying in the background in public, and otherwise trying to scrape through a year of working for pittance for a very loud and obnoxious man. Lukas Weber had just returned to the campus with Professor Klaus Schmidt's dry cleaning that the man was planning on wearing to tonight's Kamchatka Expedition dinner. He had about ten minutes to spare before Schmidt would start texting him to see where he was.

Heinrich Kronecher waves at Lukas as he walks down the corridor past him. Heinrich was a fellow PhD student who always introduced his thesis by some piece of pseudo-scientific babble in order to obscure his actual thesis (such as that he was investigating the effects of several biochemical reactants on cartilegous anomalies in spinal segments of chimpanzees). "Hey Lukas!"

"Hey Heinrich, what's new?' asks Lukas turning to face him.

Heinrich Kronecher has a stupidly wide grin on his face as he comes rushing over. "You've got that Kamchatka expedition dinner on tonight, right? Is that your dry cleaning for it or you fetching it for Professor Shit? Gawd, I can't believe you agreed to work with him. Anyway, I heard that Milly LeCrique, the Science Geek, from the Hidden Places occult-meets-science documentary will be there. I was hoping you could get her autograph." He fumbles around in his backpack and withdraws both a documentary DVD and a poster of an attractive woman in a lab coat, standing in a dirty, old-fashioned room, with her finger poised to her lips in dramatic thought. "That would be so killer."

He pauses and takes a deep breath.

"She's hot."

"Yeah I do, it's Professor Schmidt's. Noticing the look on Heinrich's face, "Yes I know he can insufferable but I am learning a lot from him. I guess I can be your errand boy and get a couple of autographs but you owe me."

"Sweet," says Heinrich, pumping the air with his fist. "Hey, here you go. Got a backpack or something I can put these in? Or should I just pop 'em in your pidgeon hole so you can pick them up on the way out? Oh, by the way, I got some pictures of these totally gross fungal insects that this German guy says are from the mountain. Apparently they're anatomically like insects, right, or at least shaped like them, wings and all, but get this ... they're made up of fungus. Green fungus. I didn't think fungus could do anything like that but the pictures are pretty believable."

"Yeah, just drop them off there and I'll get them. Insects made of fungus?" Lukas asks increduously. Let me see those pics. What mountain are you talking about?"

Heinrich grins like a kid with a new toy. "I've even gotten an invite to go take a look at them over the weekend with the rest of the Society." He produces his laptop and boots her up. "You should take a look. No shit. Real fungal insects. I mean, obviously they're not insects. They wouldn't be anatomically correct though apparently there's some analogous organs. The wings are like regular insect wings, like that found on dragon flies, and it's theorised that the fungal insects hunt and kill the dragon flies and steal their wings. That's just a theory, though. Allegedly you can find them on the mountain, y'know the one, the one that you'll be scaling as part of the Kamchatka Expedition that Professor Schmidt is taking you on? The one that two sets of Russian governments have declared off-limits for almost 200 years? Well, there's a lot more to it than you think."

He shows you a number of images of green insectoid creatures that do, indeed, look like they're made of fungus. "Y'see these here? Apparently there was a storm over the mountain and down by the foothills these insects kinda rained down. These passersby collected some of them while they were still kicking." He shows a movie clip of hundreds of these insects kicking their legs and fluttering their wings like cockroaches after a roach bomb on some rocky foothill. "Trouble is, they all died instantly when taken too far from the mountain."

"Oh wait, I bet you haven't even read the book. You haven't, have you?" He rummages around in his rucksack and produces a book. "These are the translations of the diary of the last people to go up the mountain. I've earmarked the good bits. Wanna borrow it?"

"This is unbelievable!" I exclaim. "Did they collect any of the things? I have read it actually, I'm even more nervous about this expedition now to be honest".

"Well, nothing all that exciting will be going on with a documentary film team like 'Hidden Places' going along," says Heinrich, clapping Lukas on the back. "Don't you know? Documentaries are the kiss of death to the occult so don't be too nervous. Just be sure and get all these things autographed. They'll be worth even more once Milly LeCrique, the Science Geek, gets eaten alive by fungi bugs." He whoops with laughter. "Just kidding! Don't look so glum, chum, things'll be fine. And yeah, that guy has apparently got a real collection of the little dead corpses. Still haven't figured out how they worked. Most claim it to be some kind of elaborate hoax. Like someone carved the fungi together."

"I'll get them autographed in between kisses with Milly, don't you worry." Lukas replies winking. "Is there anyway I could get an up close look at the things?'

"Herr Schneider? Sure, that could be arranged but only if you tell me all about how far you go with Milly." He winks back. "Herr Schneider seems pretty eager on showing off his wares to the Society, if you know what I mean."

"Deal, when can I see them?'

"I've got your number so I'll let you know. Probably at some point this weekend. Anywho, I've got classes to get to and you've got an obnoxious idiot to placate. See you around!" Heinrich shoulders his backpack and heads off with a wave.

Klaus Schmidt should be in his office.

"See ya" waves Lukas as Heinrich heads off. Lukas looks at his watch and realizes that he should probably get Professor Schmidt's dry cleaning to him so heads towards his office.

Klaus leans back in his office chair and takes a modest bite of his fried bologna sandwich. A dollop of ketchup runs absent mindedly down his chin…. Klaus untucks his shirt and wipes the condiment from his face with the oversized tucked in portion of the garment. Klaus always bought shirts 3 times his regular length for this very purpose. A dark secret he kept mainly for himself, but his borderline autistic nature often had him tucking and untucking himself in public. He had little control over it…

Klaus then looked down at the collection of stains he had collected over the last few days wearing the shirt and smiled approvingly to himself. Peanut butter, beef dip, guacamole, ranch dressing and marmalade. The marmalade had crusted and began to flake off as he tucked it back under his belt. Klaus wondered what sort of micro organisms had taken residence on his shirt lately and thought he’d take samples for further analysis. Perhaps young Mr. Weber could culture and identify them for him. A lesson in futility, of course, as Klaus already knew perfectly well what organisms could survive in the low acidity of marmalade..

And speaking of Weber…. Where is that single celled pseudo-pod with my suit?

Klaus laughed to himself as he picked up his phone and began to text his assistant.

Pseudopods were certainly not single celled by any means, but the extion of a single cell. A budding of sorts... Still... the alliteration tickled his fancy.

Klaus finished his text message to Lucas Weber.

TEXT:

Weber! Where is my damned monkey-suit? And pick me up a Big-Big low fat extra foam latte with a half squirt of sugar free vanilla and a half squirt of cinnamon. Make sure they save some room on the top for my bloody whip cream or it’s your ass.

Lukas walks hurriedly across campus clutching Professor Schmidt's dry cleaning. The familar ding of his cell phone indicates that he has a new text message. "It's probably Schmidt blustering about his dry cleaning", he mutters to himself as he manages to extracate the phone from his pocket while holding on to the dry cleaning. "Of course", he mutters as he notices it is in fact Schmidt, and he wants a coffee too. Grumbling Lukas takes a hard right and heads to the coffee shop. Emerging from the coffee shop juggling the dry cleaning and the coffee Lukas wonders anew why he tolerates this. His mind goes to the expedition, the fungi bugs, and his future. His excitement carries him above the doldrums until he stumbles into Schmidt's office and see's his disgustingly stained shirt hanging out of his pants. Sorry I'm late, here is your dry cleaning and your coffee Professor Schmidt.

Klaus slowly tucks his shirt back into his pants. In the animal kingdom, short slow movements are rarely noticed by predators and Klaus was determined to keep a low profile with regards to the disgusting nature of his hidden garments.

After a long awkward moment of slow shirt tucking, Klaus eyes the coffee suspiciously.

Did you leave room for my toppings Weber?

"Of course I did Professor", handing it to Professor Schmidt. Lukas says hesitantly, hoping the time it tipped during his hurried shuffle spilled enough to make room. Lukas had indeed forgot to make sure they left room. ''I'm excited for tonight, the expedition dinner tonight should be really fun"

Indeed Weber... Indeed..

Klaus opens up his top drawer of his working desk, moves aside a couple of miniature bottles of Jack Daniels and grabs his can of "Whip Me" Erotic Cream. He added some to his special coffee, not noticing the space left for his topping. Klaus prefered the erotic whip cream in a can as compared to the generic sort. It had a undescribable sweetness to it that Klaus just couldn't put his finger on. Plus it reminded him of his fraternity days.

This evening should be an excellent opportunity to put some of my so called peers in their proper place Weber.... So you remember the plan then don't you or had I failed to mention.....?

Klaus drinks a few healthy sips of his coffee leaving a dallop of "Whip Me" cream on his upper lip. Absent mindedly he opens a miniature bottle of Jack Daniels and adds some to his coffee explaining his plan to Lucas.

Never mind.. Whilst I mingle amongst the guests Weber, I want you feeding Dr. Lozynsky and Nicolai Lebedev as many drinks as they will take. More even... Tickle their egos if you must Weber... but I want those two men drunk before the dinner actually begins. This will allow us to make a better impression on our benefactors. Putting us in a position of authority on the expedition. This is going to be big science Weber.... papers.. grants... lectures...

Klaus then pulls out a marked miniature bottle of Jack Daniels and grins wildly at Lucas Weber.

And if they still have their wits about them.... A few drops from this little Mickey should get things rolling quite nicely wouldn't you agree Weber?

Klaus laughs whole heartedly and passes Lucas the marked Mickey awaiting his response.

Lukas looks hesitantly at the offered bottle. "Ughh...though I definitely understand the importance of tonight in connection with the expedition, I really hope it doesn't come to this" Lukas grudgingly reaches out and takes the bottle. "This type of stuff can get us into a lot of trouble..."

Klaus flashes Weber a devilish grin.

Indeed Weber... Why do you think I'd leave my assistant to such a task... It would be a pity to sully the good name of our department now wouldn't it?

Klaus takes a moment to enjoy the tension he'd purposeful created between him and his assistant and then quickly moves on expecting no answer from Lukas.

So then Weber... I take it you've had a chance to peruse some of the expidition's facts and fiction. Tell me... what's you thought on these fungal insectoids?

"I am really eager to get a look at them in person", Lukas replied, glad to change topics. "Do you think we''ll encounter them on the expedition?"

Well I've no doubt we'll encounter something Weber! The talent the university has assembled for this expidition is nothing short of impressive. They wouldn't waste us lolly gagging around the jungle on some fools errand... You're quite lucky to be my assistant you know Weber. If I weren't so generous as compared to some of my other collegues, you'd be washing test tubes and grading mediocrity at my leisure now wouldn't you?

Klaus quickly pulls his finger out of his nose as he realized its been in there for some time. He was still certain his assisitant Lukas Weber had not yet acertained that Klaus had a mild form of Rhinotillexomania.

No I'm afraid I'm rather dubious as to the exisitance of fungal insects or arachnids or whatever proper genus you'd choose to elevate one of the lowest lifeforms on the planet to.. frankly my dear Weber... I find the notion of inteligent fungi offensive.

"Yes, I am very grateful that you are so generous", Lukas replies, thinking that getting his coffee and dry cleaning is in the same league. "It is hard to believe for sure, ridiculous even. but if it's true it will change everything!"

Indeed Weber.. Indeed...

Having run out of points of interest in Klaus's mind. An uncomfortable silence began to grow between the two men and Klaus grew ever fearful that his conversation with his assistant might be forced into small talk. Klaus placed the tip of his finger on the edge of his nostril and feinted a scratch waiting for Lukas to start with the jibber jabberings of polite conversation.

So.... How's our sports team doing so far this semester?

The clock on the wall ticks closer to 4:20. There is an hour and forty minutes before the gathering this evening. That seems like an ominously long amount of time for them to kill with idle chit-chat. The novelisation of the Kamchatka diariessits on Schmidt's desk. It had been sent earlier this week by a somewhat friendly acquaintance.

Lukas shrugs, "I don't know, I don't really keep up with that sort of thing." Lukas gestures at the book on Klaus's desk. "What is that?".

The door opens and two athletic-looking men walk in without so much as knocking. "Klaus Schmidt?" asks one of the men. He turns to look over at Lukas. "And are you Lukas Weber?"

Lukas freezes and looks over at professor Schmidt waiting for him to answer...

Klaus grins widely rather enjoying the sound of his own name.

It seems my reputation proceeds me? Or our reputation Weber... though what interest the public would have in an assistant is quite beyond even my massive powers of reasoning. How can I help you gentleman.

One of the men pokes his head out into the hall and glances left and right before shutting the door. The other man comes forward to flash some I.D. a little too quickly to be easily seen. "I am Herr Schneider and I'm a part of a private security company hired by Ophidian to provide protection for you. If you will come with us, we can take you to the others for a preliminary meeting before the press party."

Protection? Don't be absurd! The last paper I published was on mitochondrial distribution and mutation in drosophila fruit flies after exposure to significant levels of unqualified beta raditaiton. Ground breaking work for certain gentlemen... but nothing to put me in any sort of danger. And Weber. The most interestig thing he's done this week is my groceries....
though I do fancy him a thief... My selection of sweets seemed to be a little light this week wouldn't you say so Weber?

Klaus eyes Lucas suspiciously before continuing.

No gentlemen, I do beleive you have the wrong biologists! Perhaps you should investigate the theoretical physics department. I hear they can be borishly scandalous when they set their calculators on something eh Weber? Ba-Haw! Haw! Haw!

Lukas's eyes go wide, "Death threats, Kidnapping?". "Who would do this?"

"We're not privy to that information," said Her Schneider. "Please come with us."

"We're not privy to that information," said Her Schneider. "Please come with us."

Lukas is still looking at Professor Schmidt, not sure what he should do. He waits for him to move to go with them first.

Death threats! Don't be absurd. We can't leave.. We still have to gather our instruments and such.

Klaus's finger nervously reenters his nose.

The man sighs deeply and for a moment looks quite like a man martyring himself for an important cause before drawing a deep breath and looking again at Klaus. "Instruments? What instruments do you need to take to a fundraising dinner and meet-and-greet?"

Klaus smiles politley, looking much like a man about to teach a retarded boy the finer theorems of organic chemistry.

Well assuming men with death threats looming over their heads can't be gathering their things after important meet and greets.. Very well.. we'll return for our things... Let that be a lesson frop you Lucas. Never Assume..

Klaus exits with the two burly men waving a dispassionate hand to his assisstant.

Lucas? Grab our dry cleaning. We've a dinner to attend.

The man gives Lukas a sympathetic, pitying look.

Lukas face hardens as he turns away from the pitying look of the man and picks up the dry cleaning thinking, 'I can't wait until I can rid myself of this oaf". He follows Professor Schmidt through the door.

ooc- IS the next part the dinnner party or do you want me to make an ass of myself on the ride there?

ooc - I think so. laraqua has more time in January. if you want you can grade some papers and Professor Schmidt can belittle your work. lol

Weber! Your take on the lymphatic system is more offensive than the notion this university is even considering your doctorate of philosophy in any subject aside from incompetance. A subject Weber... that you excel in and should consider publishing numerous papers on.

lol

Professor Schmidt gets a phone call. Taking a look, it looks like its Daniel Carter, the media advisor from Ophidian for the Kamchatka Expedition.

Lukas is wary of these men and stays on guard. He doesn't trust them.

Professor Schmidt barks into the phone.

Mr. Carter! Are you aware I have two rather large looking baboons in my office. They say we're in some sort of danger! You do realize I expect a substantial bonus for my entire deaprtment for having to put up with this sort of vulgarity. I mean seriously Mr. Carter... Where did you find these two.. They look like thugs from a bond novel for christ's sake! I honestly expect one of them to put a rag over my my face doused in chloroform and wake up in some dank basement with my toes dangling in a bucket of water and electrodes strapped firmly to my testicles. Are you listening Mr. Carter!